Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
