would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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