Don't you send me to vm
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Will you blow on my dice?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
