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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  i'd get off the bar first.

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• (310): View more from California

  I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

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• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?

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• (415): View more from California

  I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".

  (415): View more from California

  good luck with that

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  probably

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.

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• (347): View more from New York

  What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?

  (1-347): View more from New York

  Here's a rule: don't

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.

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