They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...