i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
