I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
