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• (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong

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• (904): View more from Florida

  When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE

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• (562): View more from California

  I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  That was so not worth putting pants on for.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Marry him.

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