I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo