with your own penis?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
