Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
