I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
