TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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