you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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