I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
