We named our party play list daddy issues
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They took my balls.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
