dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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