You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
