btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
