He had one of those small greek statue penises
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize