He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you are never too drunk for berry picking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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