heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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