What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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