you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
