I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
