I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
