I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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