no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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