why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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