How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
