If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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