halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is wine microwaveable?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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