I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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