We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
