Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
