He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
