How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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