i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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