I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
