I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
