I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
