Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
