i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
