do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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