yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
