I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
