p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
