It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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