come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
