I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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