I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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