I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
