I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
