I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
