i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I will pee on everything he values.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
