So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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