I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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