9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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