I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
