dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize