i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
did i walk over a car last night?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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