I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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