she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
