dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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