mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
