he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
