she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
BRING THE BAGELS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
