I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
