he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
