In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
