Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
