i may or may not be watching the land before time
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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